Do you abort the game when the queen is killed in Chess?

Started playing chess after years. Sheer fun to play the 5, 10, and 15 minute long games to wake the brain up post afternoon slump. Initially, I lost most games and was slightly taken aback because I used to be good at this. Nonetheless, within 3-5 days my brain cells adapted.

Day three onward I started accepting rematch requests from people who won the first game. However, I noticed something strange. The moment their queens died many aborted the game. Now, I can leave it at that but I am surprised to see how much importance people place on the queen. What about playing on and taking a chance at winning with what remains?

Don't many of us do that in life as well? We get so disappointed with one major loss that we forget we haven't lost everything. Says so much about our attitude towards life.

Play chess with me only if you won't quit in case your queen dies 😀

KINDLED FLAME | September 2019 - December 2020

The kindled flame will remain lit forever,

As 2020 goes by;

Thank you for all the spiritual gifts (that),

I can access in the blink of an eye.

Nourished my soul,

Pain was never as full of love;

Closer to myself I heal parts of me,

As I hide my face with my wings like a dove.

Abundance is what I wish for you,

As I keep working towards mine,

3D or 5D wherever we be,

A tiny light will shine.

As I Watch You | Pet Talks

Jog, jog, jog away
And as I watch you jog
I wonder if you think of my feet
When you have shoes on yours

Run run run away
And as I watch you run
I wonder what mud feels like
When concrete is what you care for

Lock lock lock away
And as I watch you lock
I wonder what freedom feels like
When you have all of yours

Green Flame | Until Nothing Remains

Burnt the artwork I didn't like
The flame to my surprise was green
Fire! Fire! I am so grateful
You turned everything to a crumpled layer of nothingness

I've just begun burning
So much more to burn
I want nothing to be seen

BITTERSWEET

[Pictures from my kitchen garden]

Bittersweet, like mango and bitter gourd planted adjacent to each other. You sow them to reap the fruit and the vegetable.

Though sweet, mango takes years to give you the fruit. Though bitter, you can feed yourself with bitter gourd within a month or two of sowing the seed.

One teaches you to be patient. The other teaches you to be grateful for what you have. The best of both worlds does not exist yet but it will someday.

Mouth Organ Wish | Train Trio

The two-week-long train trip in 2017-18 bonded many strangers together; maybe only temporarily. Our trio, however, stayed intact for quite some time. As time passed, I ended up staying in touch with only one of the two friends. We spoke daily, then weekly, then monthly and now every few months but the essence is still warm and caring. It is sweet how things always remain seamless with some people.

On my birthday in 2019, when I was living away from home, I received a recorded video message. It was the first time someone had recorded Happy Birthday on a Mouth Organ, for me. Just the thought of such effort being put in made me feel incredibly joyous.

Last week when I was clearing my phone of the forwarded videos, I stumbled upon this video. It so happened that without having to think whether or not I should text, I typed, "Came across that video in which you recorded happy birthday for me on your Mouth Organ." Within a minute, my friend wrote back, and it was as if the dots of the previous two to three months joined instantly.

Whenever I look back at the photos of that trip, I always remember our trio - me listening to them talking, then both of them asking me why I am so quiet, and me saying in my head, "This is so peaceful".

12th August 2020 | Dream | एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर

After two weeks of weird dreams, I had a musical dream yesternight.

It was an open cafe with iron chairs and tables painted white. Two people had come for a meal. They were sitting at the edge of the curve of the road. Underneath their feet were intertwined brick-like structures which had gaps for the water to percolate during rains. The area kept getting busier through the day and the day hotter.

Yet the scene remained clear blurring the background activities while they sat.

They had had snacks, and there was still food on the table when they started singing one by one. One of them, whose face was visible started singing "एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर" smilingly. 

I hadn't realised for a long time that I could simultaneously think as the dream was going on. However, I remember thinking, "How could someone sing this song with such a big smile on the face and not for a moment get nostalgic, or show familiarity with the actual emotions expressed in the lyrics?".

The company sang a song too. 

The music faded, but I was still stuck at what the girl sang. Her eyes were happy, and she had a big smile on her face. I am still wondering, "How?" and "Why this song?".

A Crafted Rant | A Breach of Privacy | A Monument Screaming Out Its History

Around a decade ago, with my diary being read by someone against my will, I felt like an old monument whose artefacts were stolen, and inhabitants displaced. Travellers would come and go, but the structure would stand still unable to do anything but scream out its history to express, through new-found creativity. Struggling with mixed feelings of being in the process of restoration but never being the same ever again, with a lot of lost history, I started this blog. The only prayer now is for nature to take over everything.

Glory | Unstoppable

'Unstoppable' Doodle

The sword-cut arm becomes a winged-saw,

The other ruffles the costume,

The baffled tyrants glance in awe,

As she lets her ensemble loom.

The wrongdoers fall prey to their doings,

The virtuous calls it a day,

The culprits are caught after the viewings,

Bring secrets in the light of day.

DREAMS | Sitting by the Window Sill | Leh 2018

'Dreams' Doodle

Looking from the outside,

The life I live you see,

Is perfect as you once said,

And now I can finally see. 

SEED-LIKE SHIELD

Seed-like Shield Doodle

Sleeping on silt,

Hiding in a quilt,

Tilting their heads drowsily,

The flowers wilt,

With petals gilt,

Each wondering "What has become of me?".

But as they gripped the hilt,

Almost atilt,

Ashamed of their reality,

They were filled with guilt,

So, a shield they built,

Against their own mentality.

For there is beauty in everything and a beginning after every ending!

The Missing Piece | Forgetfulness | Spellings | Learning Again

The Missing Piece Doodle

Have you ever forgotten the spellings of simple words which were ingrained in your subconscious mind as a child; words you could spell out even in your sleep but the spellings of which were forgotten as an adult?

When this started happening with me, there was only one thought that gave me hope; I had started focusing on the macro essence of my write-ups. 

Was it the habitual use of autocorrect that made me forgetful and less focused or was it the load of heavy thoughts and feelings that took away part of my memory and my attention? I still keep wondering. Maybe it was both.

Maybe this missing piece of memory wanted to take me back to my school time, or just make me realize that I will always keep learning; sometimes, by forgetting what I already know.

The Picture

Blue jeans, white shirt
Layers of waves from the sea
Someone walks barefoot on the beach
How this picture calms me
Such an earthy feel to it, I can keep looking at it for hours
No matter what the reality be
There is something, that it says to me
I feel this picture more than I ever have any
What should I say on what it does to me
The void that exists inside me sometimes
Looks like a memory, as this picture looks back at me
I feel I have been there before
How familiar can it be
I can see myself looking at the scene
As if it were right in front of me

But I feel afraid as I look at it
Because every time it gives so much to me
Sometimes I just close my eyes
To not drain its sanctity
To not take away its calming energy
Every now and then I try not to look
Yet this picture stays with me
It has a pulling effect on me
Even when I look in the dark
I can see it clearly
In front of me

Crushed Snail | Late Evening Walks

The Crushed Snail's Tombstone Doodle

Guilty much trail-walker?

Your sensitivity couldn't save the snail's life;

On one of those weekend-walks with that flatmate,

Whose knock on the door makes you feel - someone cares.

After spending a long day swamped in introspection,

Who has the attention span to take a cautious stride?

Had there only been more light to watch what's under the step!

Oblivious to the nearing death by the foot of a human - the snail stares. 

O PENCIL IN A PENSIVE MOOD

O pencil in a pensive mood, it's painful to see you write your story with the lead that leads you searching your place in the pencil box, which has everything but you.

O pencil in a pensive mood, who put you out of your home and told you that you are only good enough for a primary school child who is learning to write and makes mistakes that need to be erased?

Pangong Tso | June 2017

With silty sand underneath the feet,
And salty waves reaching out sometimes,
The mountains observe the travelers tweet,
And shrug at the shifting paradigms.

Embracing Pangong Tso they sit,
Making me feel protected too,
As I stand on the shore of the lake,
Looking at its shades of green & blue.

Like scooping a fistful of grainy particles,
And letting them slide from the hand,
I collect my thoughts in that one moment,
And then let them all disband.

With not even a single thought left,
Speechless I sit for hours,
And listen to the healing sound of the waves,
While building stone & pebble towers.

THE CRITIC

When your artistry is curbed,

Silence the critic insinuated.

When you digress from your goal,

Keep trying to reinstate it.

When everything is neutral,

Let your idea be incubated.

When it's time to execute,

Don't sit and debate it.

When working on your weaknesses,

Don't let your strengths be syncopated.

Expand your creativity like a full-form,

Don't let the critic abbreviate it.

हर सफर और नया शहर नए रँगों में जब डुबोता है

अब दिन भर घर से बाहर रहकर खोल के नज़रें सोता है

शायद अकेले गुज़ारा वक़्त खाली मन टटोलता है

हर सफर और नया शहर नए रँगों में जब डुबोता है   

अनजाने में न जाने दिमाग की कितनी खिड़कियाँ खोलता है 

ना खुद से ना किसी और से बोलने को यह लफ्ज़ पिरोता है 

कुछ समय से कुछ नहीं कहना ऐसा रस घोलता है

भटकने में इधर से उधर क्या घटा क्या बढ़ा नहीं तोलता है 

मेरा मन मुझसे बस किसी खोज में रहने को बोलता है

ANESTHESIA | Local & General

Loss of all sensations, and

Reduced capacity to take your ignorant explanations

To my heart

Loss of awareness, and

Reduced capacity to let your rareness

Hit me like a dart

I started with local, but

Realized I needed a dose of general

Anesthesia, to keep me calm

You did your surgery, and

I witnessed your perjury

Until my restless heart was barely beating under my palm

RICH | Rajasthan's Incredibly Colourful Heart #RajasthanKabirYatra

The warmth of Rajasthan,
The heartiness,
And the homeliness,
Kindle every heart as firewood would.

The welcoming expressions,
"Padhaaro-sa",
And "Khamma-ghani",
Make the desert taste like a dessert should.

The thirst for richness,
In colors,
In tastes,
Is quenched with just the sight of its food.

The shimmer in the sand,
Under the Sun,
Under the Moon,
Sets every camel in a playful mood.

The turmeric coloured sand,
From Haldighati,
Remains ingrained,
As a memoir of the war, it withstood.

Listen carefully to the tunes in the sand dunes,
As every note-like grain,
Rises & falls,
Telling every possible tale it could.

Respect this land as its Rajaas did;
Its monuments hold,
Memories embedded,
Somewhere deep.

As deep as the wells,
That were dug,
To fetch water,
Or as far as water in the oasis could seep.

Ask aloud and the walls would answer,
Some pink,
Some blue,
Yet with a coherent sound.

They'd echo abundant stories,
Of valour of men and women,
That fuel courage,
When each is unwound.

#RajasthanKabirYatra

अदृश्य पिंजरा

न जाने क्यों, बंधा सा महसूस करती हो,
कभी खुल कर क्यों नहीं जीती हो?
कभी खुद को, कभी गैरों को दोष देती हो,
क्यूँ किसी अदृश्य पिंजरे में कैद रहती हो?

कैसे करोगी ख्वाब पूरे, गर खुद से हार जाओगी?
सामने खुद के खड़ी, दूजे से क्या लड़ पाओगी?
वक्त पर अपने लिए, कैसे सही कर पाओगी?
बदली नहीं तो पिंजरे में, कैद ही रह जाओगी |

सुनहरा है तो क्या हुआ, है तो यह पिंजरा ही,
क्या अपने आप पिंजरे का दरवाज़ा खुलता है कभी?
समझे न कोई और तो क्या, घुट घुट युंही मर जाओगी?
करलो इकठ्ठा हिम्मत वरना, बाद में पछताओगी |

गैरों की मर्ज़ी पर कब तक, आज़ादी ये छिनवाओगी?
जो पल बने हैं उड़ने को, वह बैठे ही क्यों गँवाओगी?
बस करलो तय क्या करना है, सब कुछ स्वयं कर पाओगी,
पिंजरे से बाहर जो निकलो, इबारत नयी गढ़ पाओगी |

BREAKDOWN | BREAKTHROUGH

Remember? You fell before you walked,
And cracked before you talked.
Then why today are you scared of missing your mark?
Tell yourself "Breakdown precedes breakthrough".

You went off beat before you synced with the rhythm,
And lost your balance before you perfected your pirouettes,
But now when I see failures shake you bad,
I wonder why you allow them to.

Don't be frustrated just yet,
You'll heal at your own pace.
Why be afraid to go through a period of lull?
You're not dead yet, it's just flu.

You stood up, up to your full stature,
After everyone had seen you frail,
But still you doubt your ability! Why?
Just get up like you did; you don't always need a cue.

Do you recall your pitch being off,
Before you sang the note pitch perfect?
And then you sang in tune all the way.
But now I see a big doubt instilled in you.

They bullied you before you toughened up,
You were weak before you got strong,
And blocked negativity for so long,
Then why today are you letting small events trouble you?

I am waiting to see you bloom,
Enough said about how you arose after every failure,
Now, I don't want to see you question yourself,
Just start doing everything you wanted to do.

Remember "Breakdown precedes breakthrough"!

THE DOOR TO YOUR THOUGHTS

Not all thoughts knock,
Not all thoughts make a sound,
They quietly build or shatter you.

Peeping through the door,
They don't let themselves be found,
Keep standing there observing you.

They slide in as if walking on eggshells,
When your awareness isn't around,
Taking advantage of the interlude.

Skating around your brain,
Trying to get you clowned,
When you're in no mood.

Compelling you to wake up,
And stand on the ground,
While in your head plays Hey Jude.

You try to make it better,
With your theories profound,
And find the thoughts that have been so rude.

With no mercy,
You hound, &
Great valor you exude.

Push each one out the door to your thoughts,
Lock yourself inside re-crowned,
To let peace ensue.

My Funny Valentine

At the drop of a hat,

I fled, leaving no sign,

And took no advice;

Your guess was as good as mine.

I'll never be a bag of bones,

My sorrows won't be drenched in wine,

Happy with my soup of poems,

Those somber days I've put behind.

Since I left,

I've been more than fine,

But I'll tell you to,

Not to trust your funny grapevine.

You did me wrong when I wished you well,

Yet I kept the tokens of love that had lost their shine,

But don’t call me if you're reminded of me,

When you listen to My Funny Valentine.

सुनसान

सुनसान नहीं है देश नया

ध्यान से देखो पक्षी कई हैं

लोग दिखें या ना दिखें

खुद से कहने वाली बातें वही हैं 

अभी तो बस शुरुआत है

सीखने वाली बातें कई हैं

मन लगा लो जहाँ भी हो तुम

जीने के अन्दाज़ वही हैं

अभी तो नयी जगहों पे जा के

महसूस करने को एहसास कई हैं

देश नया है लोग नए हैं

पर जीने को जज़्बात वही हैं 

रोज़ कहाँ मिलते हैं मौक़े

जी लो जब तक मिले कई हैं

समय की हेरा फेरी है बस 

यहाँ भी सुबह शाम वही हैं

SAPIENT | Adulting

Done with indulgence,
In enervating chats, talks, movies, and shows.

Tired of wanting,
To be effete in my gestures.

I fear of becoming,
A sapient writer whose inspirations were too dreamy.

Sick of questions,
Asked with mawkish concerns dressed in floral vestures.

Exhausted by,
Riding an elephant to catch a grasshopper.

Stop ironing my head,
With your funny advertisements & deals.

I'd still choose,
Dumplings instead of flowers.

I need some rest,
And need everything that heals.

FEAR | We are all the same | We just have different fears & we deal with them differently

We're all the same,
So let's not judge,
One might fear the dark,
The other might fear a grudge.

Some look tough,
Others seem weak,
But we all have fears and strengths,
That sometimes cloud how we perceive.

We all have fears,
That only we recognize;
We all have weaknesses,
That make us feel paralyzed.

Some prefer to reveal,
Others prefer to hide;
We never know what lies beneath,
And it's not fair to judge or decide.

Easier to believe what we see,
And let our fears shape our beliefs in ways,
That ingrain them in our subconscious for eternity,
And never let them go away.

Fear sounds complex at times,
Always compelling me to think,
So I only take a bird's eye view, 
And keep standing on the brink.

RESHUFFLE | Timing Is Everything

Grateful for everything,

But wish I could reshuffle.

Send fiery catastrophes to travel to snow peaks,

And allow cold tides to enmuffle.

Place busy & lazy days uniformly,

Let there not be any power struggle.

Slow down all blissful moments,

And let the awkward ones bustle.

I wish to place these strategically, 

Please don't make me muscle.

Let me change the order to suit me for once,

Watch me solve this jigsaw puzzle.

THE ANSWER KEPT CHANGING | Expectations

I asked myself,

If I was good enough,

And over the years,

The answer kept changing.

Standing in a crowd,
Was I lost or found?
When I pondered over what it meant to belong,
The answer kept changing.

Even when silence was not comfortable at all,
And all I wanted to do was talk,
I wondered whether to express or not,
As the answer kept changing.

The answers changed with every step,
And I wondered why they changed at all,
I found the only reason was that,
My expectations kept changing.

BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOU | You can tell a lot about a person from the questions he/she asks

There might come a time,

When no one else,

Will be able to,

Tell you your strengths,

Make you smile,

Or bring out the best in you.

A day might come,

When you fail to see,

The best version of you,

Despite the praise,

If you feel like a failure,

Be the one you'll turn to.

Start afresh,

Over and over again,

If you need to,
And be with people,
Who ask you the questions,
That bring out the best in you.

Don't be where,
You are disrespected,
Be at a place where you want to,
If you've been true to your work,
Losing you is their loss,
Keep creating the best in you.

How they behave is their problem,
Keep staying true,
To the things you really want to do,
Even when everyone fails,
To understand how you contributed,
Keep working on bringing out the best in you.

TUMMY TALKS | Everyone has a story

Have mercy on me,
I need some rest,
All the food you're dropping here,
I'm unable to digest.

I'm not a trash bag,
You can't treat me that way,
You load me like your boss loads you,
Working under pressure is not my forte.

* No offense to trash bags

TRAMPOLINE | Childhood friends | Siblings

Jumping on the trampoline,

Free falling didn't scare me,

Because I had you by my side,

I miss being that carefree.

Jumping on the trampoline,

When we didn't know about gravity,

I know it must have pulled us down,

But never matched our insanity.

Jumping on the trampoline,

We stretched ourselves and let us be,

Every time we were in the air,

And didn't care about bruised knees.

Jumping on the trampoline,

We looked over the fence to see,

The shrubs, the trees, & the lush green grass,

While popping a fist full of roasted peas.

Jumping on the trampoline,

Taking cues at one-two-threes,
Now when I look back to see,
I see some free-spirited memories.

NOT A DAY GOES BY | Inspired by the movie 'After The Ball'

Not a day goes by,
Thinking about how,
My brain runs dry,
When I don't see the 'WOW'.

Can't let ideas die,
I cannot allow,
My emotions to fry,
Just getting by somehow.

But I have to try,
To raise eyebrows,
Not to let my care fly,
I need to take a vow.

Turn sorrows wry,
And be a highbrow,
Like a designer with a cool tie,
Or suited up with a bow.

TO THE HILT | A dream for every lost dream

This spot right on the edge,

I come here often;

I'm trying to understand,

Where I went wrong.

I look up, to my left, at the mountains,

I look down, to my right, at the valley,

As I stand confused,

Wondering if I'm weak or strong.

Hoping my shoes will keep me gripped,

I take a narrow trail as I walk,

Acknowledging that being effective or ineffective was,

A choice that was always mine.

Having walked this trail at least twice before,

It was easier to figure out this time that,

By walking aimlessly I might reach somewhere beautiful,

But will keep analyzing every sign.

I let myself choose,

Let myself be passionately stubborn about my dreams,
Achieved some, yet, I quest for more,

And that's how I know there is still a long way to go.

A long way to go but boulders come to greet,

Say a landslide of sorts,
Not enough to make me stop,

But enough to slow me down or hide my path with snow.

I still have many dreams right in my sight,

Can't watch them wet my eye,

So, I choose to compensate for every lost dream,
And not feel the guilt.

Dream for a dream is what I'll trade,

Won't let them vanish into thin air,

Have taken enough successful shots in the dark,

It's time to play it up to the hilt.

ORANGE TURTLENECK | Reminds me of Velma | Scooby-Doo

She writes on the chalkboard with an orange chalk,
Sits with a portable table by her side,
She keeps her left elbow on the edge of the table,
And yawns with her mouth open wide.

Her orange turtleneck & square glasses,
Remind me of Velma every time,
She knows I notice it whenever she wears it,
And she tells me it makes it worth every dime.

Sister love!

WHEN THE AUTHOR DIDN'T BELIEVE | Once Upon a Time Season 7

Putting myself in the shoes of Lucy,

Imagining what she must have felt,

With all that came a child's way,

I'm in awe of how she dealt,

With the trickery of other characters,

Protecting her belief that never knelt.

Quite sure many thoughts had crossed her mind,

But she never got into a tizzy;

When Henry, the author didn't believe at all,

Making him believe was all that kept her busy,

But one day the innocent Lucy, Cinderella's/Jacinda's daughter,

Trusted her grandmother (Rapunzel/Lady remaine/Victoria Belfrey), whizzy.

Listening to what grandmother told, her heart broke,
And she lost her belief in a jiffy;
Her first tear fell on the book 'Once Upon a Time',

The next moment she fell on the floor all dizzy;
Time stopped for Cinderella/Jacinda & Henry, the author came to meet,
Only his belief could now save the characters in the city.

MIST | Sikkim | 15th June 2018

Look at me Mist,

See, I'm finally under your spell;
Take a glimpse,
Of how I glance at you...

Tread slowly Mist,
Let me capture you at this moment,
From the window of my car,
While you turn to dew...

Your quietude quietens me,
Kindles & pacifies me at the same time;
Makes me wish I could forever be,
Surrounded by your hazy hue...

The softness in your mistiness,
With effusing fragrances from the pines,
Tranquilize me to repeatedly say,
I'll always remember you...

SILENCE | Silent Storm

Many feelings,

Many words,

Much to express,

A lot to say,

Yet there is silence!

Feelings of love,

Of hope,

Of being sorry,

Feelings of making it up to someone,

And feelings of anticipation.

Words to console,
To inspire,

Words of passion,

Words for every little feeling,

Some said, some unsaid.

Expressing trust through actions,

Sorrow with a nervous laughter,

Happiness through nonchalant gestures,

Love in anger,

Expressing love through silence.

A lot to say,

But silence says it better.

Hidden telepathic conversations,

In the head,

Or maybe really?

Yet silence,

It says it all;

As a heavy heart cannot lift itself,
By words alone;

It needs to be felt.

The inner happiness,

Not expressed through a smile,

Yet felt somewhere,

Needs another soul to notice.

The forbidden friendships,

& bottled up feelings,

Quietly stay, for they think logically,

And silence remains, always.

Yet memories and dreams,

The hope to meet,

Imagination, enough to build a new reality,

And feelings, enough to love deeply,
Prevail.

And now I realize more than I ever have,

What a silent storm one can be.

How Much Time Do I Have With You?

Does our fate dictate what we get on the plate? Or is there scope to negotiate? Because I might want to.

And I want to locate where I exactly am in the darkroom when I skate, as I often find myself stuck in figure eight, but switching on the lights is something I can't do.

But with all that you feel and don't tell, I can relate. So, let me know when you're ready to accommodate, the truth I have; we don't need a clean slate, I'm assuring you.

But I can't bear this weight of not being able to express; exactly what I hate, and I can't let myself be smothered by the freight, so, would you please reach out to me before I take a long time to?

But I don't have the ability to translate all that I feel into words and I don't want to get into a distracting debate, so, will you let my eyes fixate? Because, I don't know how much time I got with you.

OUT OF WHACK | But She Won't Let Me

Her beauty is out of whack,

And I do have a DIY hack,

For her to get better,

But she won't let me.

Her routine is out of whack,

And I can't cut her any slack,

Because she has been a go-getter,

But she won't let me.

Her mind is out of whack,

And I know how to unleash her knack,

For being smarter than every competitor,

But she won't let me.

Her spirit is out of whack,

And I can pick her up from the shack,

To take her back to how she was when I first met her,

But she won't let me.