There's this song I have been listening to and I dance to it in my head. This hasn't happened in the longest time. This one makes me feel as flexible as I could ever be. It makes me surrender and feel the uneasy feelings I run from.
Having always been a person who expressed through art-like mediums makes me unrecognisable to myself now. I don't paint, sing, write, workout, dance, anymore. Barely. And if so, not like before. The skills I honed in childhood and as an adolescent have all gathered dust and gotten rusty. Very few, very authentic, and very specific instances or stimuli bring the expressive side out of me now. It feels so strangely refreshing that a song can make me dance in my head. Hasn't happened in a long long time.
Hobbies are such a beautiful way of expressing. Neither do you trouble another soul nor do you become dependent on people other than self. I used to be that. I don't know what happened in the last few years. The waves of emotions were overpowering and they washed everything off. I should have built away from the shore. Now that I am a bit stuck up here, I am trying to be okay with being vulnerable again. The numbness is going away. I care more about people and lesser about their opinions. Still a long way to go.
A friend recently told me I have a lot of work to do. Indeed. I think four to five people in my life have shared that I share stuff in conversations they don't want to hear too much of. Well, writing, here I fall back to you again. What will I do with all of these stories within me? Will let the world read. Don't really have anything to hide or the intention to hide. A great deal of apprehension does exist though. Better to just play that song and dance all I want in my head, isn't it?
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